Well, I've been at school for a few weeks now and I haven't been writing here at all. I've just been busy and haven't had much drive to write here.
But today I do. It's a Monday and I have class in an hour and a half. In half an hour I will leave the house, go to the gas station, get my coffee and crackers and head to class to sit and wait for the day to begin.
Most people hate mondays. You hear Monday and thing "blah". I was so happy for a couple of weeks because I LOVED Monday. Monday meant I got to go to school. But today, I'm not feeling that so much. Today it was hard to roll out of bed. I got up and didn't care how I looked (which, believe it or not...they notice in Cosmetology school. You're supposed to present yourself professionally. Which means, putting some effort into your appearance.) This morning, I don't even care. I've gotten dressed and at least don't look like a bum, but I just want to crawl back into bed and pretend it's Saturday again.
I don't know what happened, or why I feel this way. I guess maybe I had some expectations for school and they aren't there. Don't get me wrong, I love the work. I really do. But I supposed I had social expectations. For a while I thought that I was doing great being part of the "in" crowd. But, lately...I've realized I'm not. And that's okay. These people are just different from me. There's nothing wrong with that. I just don't "fit in" like I'd hoped I would. But again...it's okay. I'm not going to change who and what I am and I know they won't either.
I'm still not super pumped about school today. I have a test I didn't get the grade I wanted last week and plan to retake it. I don't know when.
But I do have a plan. Today, instead of trying to fit in and please people and make friends and be one of the "in crowd"...I'm just going to focus on my work. I'm going to be me, and let everyone else be them. I won't let anyone or anything change the way I am...and that means I won't let them change the way I act. I'm quirky and odd and pretty blonde sometimes. I'm not the most artistic person there, I'm not the prettiest or smartest and most popular or the loudest. I'm not the most seen, most heard, most noticed, most loved...but that's not a bad thing. Sometimes, it's best to just blend into the woodwork. I don't want to stick out in any way except that maybe I can shine God's light and see where that goes.
Even in school, that's my goal. It's my goal everywhere I go and in everything I do. I'm a Christian and I want to shine that...but I refuse to shove it down people's throat's or judge them for things I don't have the right to judge them for. I just hope that God works through me in the little ways that count the most.
It's going to be a long day...probably a long week. But you never know what God has in store and that's exciting. He could do anything this week. Best to just take in in stride. one step at a time. Focus. That's what I plan to do.
I hope everyone out there has a good Monday and stays true to themselves. To what God has made them. It's people who aren't afraid to stand up and be themselves (or maybe sit back and be themselves) who truly make the difference in the world. There's a million people trying to fit into the same mold. That's not for me. I mean really...how boring is that?
